I'm Not Naughty Mummy, I Miss You!

My husband was snuggling our eldest daughter the other day - whilst I was upstairs changing and feeding our youngest - when she looked up at him and said, "I miss my mummy, daddy." After I had put her to bed, he told me what she had said; and I cried.

I knew it wasn't my fault she felt that way, but I couldn't help but feel totally and utterly heartbroken that she felt that in some way, I was gone - even though I am still here.

The reality is, in December 2016 - after almost three years of having my full and undivided attention - suddenly my time was being stolen by this tiny human who only ever breastfeeds, cries, poops and sleeps; and is solely reliant on someone else taking care of her.

So I understand why she said she misses her mummy - because now I'm someone else's mummy too; and - while Little L is still too small to be in any way independent - that someone else takes up a whole chunk of her mummy's day (and night too!)

I had big plans when I was pregnant - of all the ways that I would ensure life stayed as normal as possible for R once the baby arrived. I bought a Tula stretchy wrap to baby wear Little L whilst doing things and had a list of things that we were all going to do together.

Then I gave birth, brought our tiny new addition home and nothing went to plan.

Little L is awake for long stretches of time, and loves to cluster feed - which means I am tied down for these periods - at least for the time being until she settles into a routine. Not only this but I have been suffering with the dreaded 'hacking cough' for weeks and a few days into the new year, R broke her arm.

All of these factors combined with nights of a distinct lack of sleep, have meant that our options have been limited when it has come to finding time to spend time together.

Instead of taking walks to the playground, craft days, and trips to the park to feed the ducks, the majority of our days have been spent stuck in doors - in bed, or on the sofa in front of the TV.

I am trying to find ways to keep things as normal as possible with my first born. She may be turning three soon, and be an older sister, but she is still my baby; and I want to make sure that we maintain the relationship we have built over the last few years.

mummy and daughter twinning © mebecomingmum

I'm lucky really, because spending time with R can be as simple as doing chores.  Long live the days that my little helper wants to put the washing in the machine, or hang it out to dry.

When I feel up to it - and Little L is having a nap - I try to use that time to do something a bit more exciting with R. Sometimes I only have energy to have a hot drink with her, and other times I find myself baking a cake.

Every night - regardless of the type of day we have had, and how tired or ill I am feeling - I continue to keep the same routine that we have always had. I take her to bed, we read together, pray together and sing together.

I read an article on Huffpost recently, that talks about children playing up when a new sibling is introduced into the home, and it really struck a cord with me. I have been lucky that R has never been violent or shown anything but love towards her baby sister, but it is evident in her comment to her dad, that she is feeling a little sad about having to share her mummy. 

I just hope that what I have been doing - and will continue to do - will help her to settle in to this new life with a little sister in tow; and that as she grows up she will understand that I am doing the best that I can!