Note from Naomi: Today's post is a guest post from the wonderful Charlotte from It's Mammy, Not Mummy. This lovely mummy blogger has written about her experience of becoming a stay at home mammy. If you like her writing, you can visit and read her blog here.
As parents we do the best we possibly can to love, nurture and care for our children and I am sure I am not the only one who has doubt constantly lurking in the back of their minds. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Am I failing?
Most recently, my life has taken a turn on to a new path, a path I did not expect to take. However, as circumstances would dictate this indeed has become my reality.
Three weeks ago I became a stay at home parent, it has been and still is a shock to the system. SAHM... it's such a label isn't it? I feel very grateful and lucky to be at home full time with my little bear, I do feel privileged to get to spend my days with him. That being said, I also do not feel good enough. I do not feel good enough as I still want to hold on to the part of me that is just me, and was me even before I became a mother.
There is a part of me full of frustration, confusion and a refusal to accept the label I have now labelled myself. I am more than a mother, I am more than a stereotype. I am a friend, daughter, fiancée and a twenty three year old young woman with dreams and aspirations (who occasionally likes to go out and let her hair down with a drink or twenty). I don't know why, but I now feel like I need to keep hold of these things which make me who I am now more than ever.
Since the age of fifteen I have had some form of employment and now not having that is taking some getting used to. Since my little boy was born I have lived my life in a certain chaos. Getting here on time, doing this and that on time, getting to childcare on time and most importantly work!
I always thought that I was a better parent for having a job, you know setting that example for him, showing him from an early age that this is the way of the world. However, as this is no longer the case, I now must strive to show him that I am the best parent to him regardless of whether I work or not.
I don't mean, I am going to become a craft and organic goddess over night. It isn't going to happen. But, I am going to show him the best year I can before he starts nursery. I want him to see that time with mammy is fun. I want to work on my flaws as a parent, I want to be a better parent. I want to be all the things I can to him. Why not, I have all the time in the world to do it now.
Yet a part of me still longs for more. Still longs for a few hours of mammy time (which I am going to get might I add, we are giving pre school a go), time where I am not the SAHM, time where I am just Charlotte and not Charlotte 'the Mam'.
My journey in to parenthood has been a big learning curve for me, and I think I am about to venture in to a whole loop on this one! SAHMotherhood is a journey that's going to take time to get used and settle in to. But for now, I'm going to give it my best shot and enjoy the extra time I now get to spend with my baby.
Little ones are only little once aren't they? At the end of the day, despite how I might feel at times. If we are going to be honest, parenting is hard!!! And we all want to run for the hills at times.... but this time, this chapter here we are going through. I won't get this time back, and this is something I need to remind myself on days of both good and bad. Because, that is what makes it worth it.